Community vs. Connection
Introduction
In an age of endemic loneliness, it matters that we find spaces for people to connect and to build community with one another. We find that lack of real relationships is a piece of the constellation of things that leads to many of the problems facing our world today. Dr. King said it best: “I am convinced that men hate each other because they fear each other. They fear each other because they don’t know each other, and they don’t know each other because they don’t communicate with each other, and they don’t communicate with each other because they are separated from each other.”
It is all too easy to conflate connection and community, and there is much about them that overlaps: We think of them as spaces where you feel safe, where you can share whatever’s on your mind, where you can be seen and heard and cared for, and offer the same to other people. These aren’t transactional, they aren’t performative, and they often rely on confidentiality and trust. What does it look like to create moments that can hold the many intersectionalities in our identities and stories?
However, pulling connection and community apart helps us to get really sharp about what is most necessary for our group next, and how we can create the conditions that make either connection or community possible. Let’s dive into that a bit more together.
Watch
Video transcript
As we nodded to in the introduction, connection and community are not actually the same thing. A few years ago we heard Marc Freedman, the founder of Encore.org, say something that’s stuck with us: “Too often, we confuse community with the aroma of connection.” There’s value in both connection and community, but it’s really important to understand what you want to be out of the gate.
Connection can be one-directional: We feel connected when we see a story that mirrors our own, and realize we’re not as alone as thought we were. It can be mutual and fleeting: a brief encounter with a stranger or an acquaintance, in which you exchange something meaningful, and feel deeply listened to. Connection can happen in a moment, or in a one-off gathering. As you weave, you might design an experience of connection if you’re looking to coalition build: Let’s find a time where we can get people together in a low-stakes way, to start to build familiarity before we go deep together, for example. Sometimes we are so focused on building deep community that we miss a chance to connect with one another first. We’d recommend creating something aimed at connection if you’re looking to partner with another organization and you want each of your members to get to know one another. A simple open house together could help create buy-in for deeper work we might do together over time. When the stakes of our working together are high or we want to engage together long term- an introductory, connective space could be the exact right first step.
You might also want to build a connective space if you’re looking to build power in numbers. You might not necessarily need to gather hundreds of people who can commit to a year long journey of building community together, but you might want to get a few hundred people in a room to feel connected to a larger issue, and to be given an action they can take towards a different way forward.
Real, deep, relationships, on the other hand, are the product of two things: shared experiences and time. If what you’re craving is community, it can be a really big blow if you share a powerful moment connection, only to never see that person again. There are lots of examples of communities on a local level: think book clubs, and parenting groups. When you are looking to make change in your neighborhoods, it makes a difference to be in community with the people you are working alongside. We worked with a group of 20 or so people on a DEI committee in Erie, Pennsylvania who were tasked with implementing ideas generated by a much larger group of Erie Residents to make Erie more equitable. This group shared meals together regularly, committed to getting to know one another, to be in real community with one another. This made all the difference in the long run: when their work got hard, it was their relationships that helped them move through it: they trusted one another, they understood one another, and they had tools for the moments when they did not understand, or when one of them didn’t have the capacity to show up. It was their community that sustained them in their work to make change at the city-level: not just their good ideas and work ethic.
Case Studies
Examples of Building Connection
Option B Support Group: Coping with Grief
What it’s for: “Discuss loss openly and honestly with people who are going through it.”
How it works: A private Facebook Group with 27.8K members, moderated daily by an administrative team.
Yoni Circle
What it’s for: “A new kind of social app that heals and connects us through storytelling.”
How it works: Storytelling circles—hour-long, live, moderated video chat experiences, with up to 6 women from over 1000 cities across 80 countries.
MeetUp
What it’s for: “Join a group to meet people, make friends, find support, grow a business, and explore your interests.”
How it works: Event platform, primarily organized around shared interests and activities
OneTable
What it’s for: User-generated event platform for hosting & joining Friday night Shabbat dinners
How it works: Users sign up for online or in-person gatherings hosted by fellow members; One Table supplies host guidebooks, playlists, and a help desk for hosts.
Examples of Building Community
Pace Groups
What it’s for: “real support in small groups,” “a different take on therapy”
How it works: Small groups of 7 members, hand-picked for you; led by a world-class facilitator
Recovery Café Network
What it’s for: Composed of member organizations serving people suffering from homelessness, addiction and other mental health challenges using the Recovery Café model.
How it works: Members commit to holding Recovery Circles, “structures of loving accountability” in their spaces.
YPO (Young Presidents Organization)
What it’s for: “the global leadership community of extraordinary chief executives”
How it works: Through YPO forum, members are placed in small, tight-knit groups that forge deep, trusting relationships, allowing you to share life and offer support on the most delicate business and personal issues.
Activity
Pick an example from the above connection list and from the community list. Read about them, and take some notes: how do you see them articulating their purpose? What can you learn from their approach?
Research a Connection Builder
Research a Community Builder
Check for understanding
When thinking specifically about creating a safe space for building community, what is most important to create?